Growing up race was never an issue in my house. Dad made white jokes and mom made black jokes. They made mexican, oriental, alien and Klingon jokes as well. It was no big deal because race is so trivial in the big scheme of things that if you want to make a joke about it then go ahead. None of us have an god given rights to make fun of a race while others don’t so why do we pretend we do in public?

If you don’t know what happened with Loren Feldman this month then a quick rundown goes like this: Gets a deal with Verizon to be on their Vcast service. Old video of him portraying a black man is found and black people go crazy and protest. Verizon drops him (which I have no problem with since they are a huge company and like to avoid issues) and now Loren has to consider what type of videos he can do in the future. I don’t need to say much on this issue because Tyme has done it so well already, but come on people!

If everything has been said why write this entry? Well I came across this video and I simply lost it.

(This is the part of the entry where when you read it you will nod your head, but maybe in the comments or a blog of your own you will pretend you are shocked at what I am saying.)

You have to be fucking kidding me. All races piss me off because all people piss me off, but black people. Man. Black people, when they pull this shit I don’t understand it. I just don’t. A lot of the black people who like to speak up now today about racism didn’t live back in the days of Martin Luther King, they just want to use it as a crutch. Sure racism exists and it always will as long as we all look different, but stop pretending you aren’t the same way.

Oh, you haven’t seen a white person do something crazy and thought to yourself that those white people just don’t make any sense? Seen a black man with a white lady and thought why are the white women stealing our men? So many black people want to live on an equal playing field yet don’t allow the field to be made level. This doesn’t go out to all the black people, just the ones who make everyone else look like idiots.

If Obama wins the presidency it will be great to see a black man in office. However, let him be elected because of what he stands for and don’t get mad and try to use the black person will never make it into the White House excuse because once you start doing that you toss out the playing field. We all know some people won’t vote for him because he is black and we know some people will vote for him just because he is black.

Can you imagine being white and having to watch what you say around black people? How many black people have a blacklist (yeah BLACKlist) of words in their head that they can’t say around white people? Hell, most black people I know if I told them to watch what they say they would laugh in my face.

Then we have the black bloggers. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man the black bloggers. 99% of them are wonderful, but there is that 1% who think they can’t catch a break because they are black. You can’t catch a break because you are an idiot. Will Smith. Denzel Washington. Dave Chappelle. Tiger Woods. Obama.

KOBE BRYANT.

If you can do what Kobe has done in the past off the court and still be as popular on the court…well don’t tell me your skin color is holding you back. You are holding you back. Sure your popularity shouldn’t be based on your skin color, but women with big breasts shouldn’t get more views than the small-chested women on YouTube either. Shit happens.

Great people in our history worked hard to give everyone equal rights and it seems we are working even harder now to negate the rights we were given by holding on to crutches that we know we can use. It’s called the Race Card because you use it like a Joker or Ace. You keep it safe and know that you can always fall back on it during the right time.

Ask my mom. Ask Tyme. Ask any of my girlfriends (one word because I love my women :P). I pull the gender card daily because it is funny to me. Sometimes I use the race card as a joke as well, such as “oh you think I can dance and am great in bed because I’m half-black?” You have to wonder what Mike is getting into working with Tyme and me. You know he can’t catch a break.

So when God created man (see I’m not even going to bother with all that Creationism crap, it’s just more fun when you think somebody created us because we are twisted), do you think he (yes he, God can’t be a woman, things would end up perfect then…see what I did there?) asked himself how he could make life interesting? I think first he created different heights, eye color and hair color and figured we would just fight it out right there. But that wasn’t good enough, he needed something more. That is when he came up with the idea of races and let the shit hit the fan. It came as an added bonus that we discriminate over gender, financial status, religion, place where we grew up, attractiveness and other inconsequential things.

The whole scenario is even funnier when you think that God is black.

A couple of months ago I did a video on racism and since it applies here, well I will share it with you.

We are all human and therefore all idiots, but that doesn’t mean we have to continue to prove the point.

The major issue here is that too often people believe that you can be whoever or whatever you want to be. I think you can, but it takes change and effort. It isn’t always a light switch that you can flick on and things just happen. You have to do some self-analysis and the problem with that is when we look at ourselves we usually aren’t honest. Our egos won’t allow us to be.

We can’t tell ourselves that at the current rate we can’t cut it. Or maybe we believe so hard that we were meant to achieve something that we lose sight of what it will take to get there.

This works the same way in relationships as well. You know who you are, but the person you are with might want who they want you to be because they see The What from their perspective. Because of this problems occur if they don’t align.

I go through this struggle often. When things are going well you can see the two sides working together and when things start to slip you start to realize that they decided to part ways.

As humans “facing reality” is one of the hardest things we can ever do, but once we do moving forward becomes that much easier. Fixing the problem becomes a lot simpler. Being successful becomes as tedious as blinking.

A change for the wrong reasons.

Victor started a website about technology. He was very enthusiastic and wrote at least one article every day. As the months passed he noticed that sites that started after him excelled better than his site. There was one in particular that really took off. He followed that site faithfully, watched it grown from making nothing to over $100K a month and he wished his site was like that. Life just isn’t fair.

Mark has feelings for Lucy but he has yet to tell her that. What if she doesn’t feel the same way or even scarier, what if she does and it doesn’t work out? Everything is lost. In frustration Mark started talking to Rachel. Talking to Rachel he noticed he didn’t have the issues he has with Lucy. It was fun talking to Rachel, flirting with her and sometimes thinking about “what if?” because the price wasn’t as high if things went sour. What would happen if Mark hooked up with Rachel?

Scott and Jason are best friends who love to go bowling. They play on a league together. Jason usually bowls a higher score than Scott but lately, Jason has been on fire – bowling better each game and playing a significant role in the league’s victories. Scott wished he could bowl like Jason and be the “king” of the evening.

There is a pattern in these examples. When problems or challenges arise the person loses focus on what is really important and the things we already have lose value. They were focused on wanting more (because the other people had it “better” than they did), instead of improving their situation. This is when the “grass is greener” feeling kicks in…essentially when we’ve lost our way.

Unfortunately when this happens it causes a snowball effect. Victor was so busy drooling over another site he let weeds grow on his lawn – his own site did not progress as it should. His focus wasn’t on his site but on his dreams, money, and someone else’s hard work paying off. Scott wanted to be “the king” of the night for once and while envious of Jason’s bowling abilities; he didn’t go to the alley on his own to practice in order to improve…allowing the weeds to sneak into his yard. While Mark was busy trying to connect with Rachel (instead of telling Lucy how he felt) he allowed weeds to sneak into his yard and Lucy’s. In each case unless the focus goes back on their own yards, Jason will continue to be a better bowler, Victor will never have a successful site and Lucy will leave Mark because Mark has become a weed.

A person’s worth isn’t measured by what they have. A person’s true worth is measured by who they are. Until a person is content within themselves he/she will never be satisfied and will continue to want more. How can Victor have a successful site if he is unable or unwilling to put in the hard work everyday, instead of being envious of someone’s efforts? How can Mark have true love or even connect with another person if he is unable to communicate? How can Jason and Scott maintain their friendship and compete on a team if Scott has insecurities with his own performance, but is unwilling to put in the work to improve?

I guess the real question is: it’s their yard, why aren’t they taking care of it?

Stay where you are. Distant fields always look greener, but opportunity lies right where you are. Take advantage of every opportunity of service. Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself. - Robert Collier

The web however has a different way of treating these events. Get a couple people to watch your video then maybe you can get a couple more. Not getting enough people, then that means you aren’t spamming enough sites. You know you are entertaining and that people want to see more of you, maybe if you just found your niche crowd things would be different. Let’s try the so called echo chamber.

Now the echo chamber can encompass a lot of different groups, but for the sake of this entry let us go with the sites that compromise the majority of news over at Techmeme. So you found your crowd and you know if you make it big with them then you will become popular. You look around at the videos that they do and Scoble seems to be the most famous man in the video scene. That simply means you have to go against him and what better way to do that than do the complete opposite. His stuff is for PBS, your stuff will be VH-1.

You’re a tough guy and maybe you already have some history with these people. Maybe they didn’t respect you like you felt they should have and you know this crowd isn’t violent. They won’t threaten to beat your ass like they might out there on the streets. You can basically do whatever you want and either you fail or succeed with no real consequences because this is just one set of people in the big scheme of things. You figure it would be best to parody one of the talking heads in the echo chamber. Be the kid in the back of the class that clowns the teacher all the time, that sort of deal.

Working with limited resources and no real motivation to make a full production you figure that a puppet and web cam will work just fine. You do your parody and the reaction is mixed as it should be. People love that something different has come out from the echo chamber so they support it. Others hate it because it is something different and doing a parody of real people that they might be involved with isn’t that cool.

Those are just haters though. You have learned to feed off of them. If they hate you as much as they do that must mean you are doing something right. Besides, look at all the people who love what you are doing. You need more exposure though and you see one guy runs the show. For some reason everyone tends to bend over backwards for this guy no matter how big of an asshole he can be. You’ve made fun of him in the past because you didn’t need him, but you see that you can use him as a resource. Friendship? Save that for the suckers, you know to make it to the top you need to use people just like everyone else.

You realize this guy isn’t as cool as you. In fact he is a bit socially awkward. You show him that he tool can have charisma and let him in on things. He bullies one way you bully another. The partnership just makes sense. People see that you partnered with him and although they don’t like it and probably hate both of you secretly, they would be foolish to go against you so they align with you. Parody me! Parody me! they say. The way they see it, you can either be tied to the tracks or riding the train.

There can never be one side to any situation though. There are the people who side with the big dogs and there are those who wonder why the big dogs are even in place. You are one of the big dogs now though because everyone is talking about you. You knew you could make it. What was the point of you treating people with respect all those years? What was the point in you actually giving a damn and trying to make something wonderful? All you had to do is throw in some jokes and pick the right people and you made it to the top. But you really don’t need these people, you want bigger and better things. This small bit of exposure from the echo chamber has shown you that you were meant to be famous, you were meant for bigger and better things.

Some deals come in, many people wonder how you were able to pull them off. Some question what the companies are even thinking, but you know better. You have the audience’s attention and these companies can appreciate that. You expected the news of these partnerships to be bigger though because in your head they’re huge. Whatever, it doesn’t matter you are about to make another trip around the bases after smashing a homerun. But something goes wrong, one deal sputters. No biggie, you have two of them.

You call off your parody and play it as if you were proving a point. Like you were the big man, the genius of the world. Let this be a lesson to all, don’t fuck with you because you know how to do things. You are the bigger man because you hung it up, not the other person. You let yourself know how proud you are of what you have accomplished. It’s not easy to knock out a sleeping man, but you did it.

But again, something isn’t right. The new deal with the big communications company that would show your content to the world has disappeared. It seems people outside the echo chamber didn’t appreciate some of your work. They didn’t react like the echo chamber haters did, no these people said they would take action. So what does the communications company do? They should have stuck by you if they knew real talent when they see it, but they folded. All because they didn’t want their brand associated with such a thing. You mean companies have to watch out for themselves. You don’t need backstabbers like that in your life. You know that in this life either you are holding the knife in your hand or in your back and you are glad it’s always in your hand.

So what, bigger deals will come down the road. You still have your echo chamber. You still have your insecure, buddy kingpin to rely on. Now you just need another target to mess with to keep the cycle going. People love it when you do the same stuff over and over again, it works for porn, it can work for you. Anybody that wants to write a blog entry hating on you is only doing so because they can’t have what you have. They aren’t willing to sacrifice the friendships and respect of people to get where you are so they don’t deserve the position. They aren’t as talented as you. They don’t have your vision so let them hate. They can’t even make it big in the echo chamber. Scrubs.

The thing is I don’t think anyone should hate on anybody else for having the drive to succeed. You have to respect that drive. When people lose respect it usually is because what they sacrificed to achieve that success. Sacrificing going out every night with friends is one thing, sacrificing those friends is another. If you can’t respect the person for who they are and what they stand for, it will always be hard to respect what they have achieved. Call them haters if you want or you can just call them the people who make or break a career.

There is a girl who does music videos. Her name is Tina and she wants to be a singer. You can view one of her videos here. She has 7100 subscribers on YouTube and a large following on MySpace. There is a concerted effort to encourage her to continue making videos. I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not she can sing or but it has been commented many times on her videos the door to being a serious singer was an option.

Jack likes Jill and Jill likes Jack back and would like to try something with Jack. Although Jack desires Jill, Jack never attempts to take the relationship to another level because he doesn’t want to mess up the friendship (insert any reason here). One could say the door to be with Jack was never open to Jill because Jack closed the door and refused to open it.

You want to do a daily blog about technology. You work full-time, have three kids and a spouse. By the time you are able to sit down and write it is late and you have to prepare for the next day. Writing on weekends to get ahead is out because weekends are family time. One could say that as much as you’d like to do a daily blog about technology it isn’t a realistic option with everything going on in your life.

Shel Israel wrote a long article about his video debacle. Shel said:

When GNTV launched, I was not quite ready for prime time. If I was an actor, I would say I was prepared for a summer stock script reading. When the curtain went up, I found myself instead at center stage of an opening night on Broadway with some determined hecklers in the audience who managed for a while to distract me. Most people seem to agree that I got better.

What people agree on is that the video quality (the way it was shot) improved. Again, I’ll let you determine if his videos are good (the videos have been removed so if you saw them the decision is yours) but, as commented many times, his strength is writing not video. Some have said that the door to Shel being successful in video was never a real option in the first place.

In each of these cases it is technically possible these unrealistic options to become realistic but it would take an extreme effort to accomplish this. Tina could possibly sing with the right coaching. Jack could be with Jill if Jack overcame his insecurities. You could possibly do a daily blog with the support of your family and friends helping to free your time or write articles. Shel could possibly be better at videos if he worked hard at it (which would mean doing it for the love of doing videos not for money which is what he is doing now). Even if they worked hard would they be successful? Would Tina’s voice change so much that she’d be able to recognized as a singer by her peers as she desires? Would Jack and Jill’s relationship work if Jack’s insecurities overrode what Jill wanted? Would your spouse be happy sacrificing his/her time with you so you can blog? Can Shel change enough that not only would his videos be interesting but he’d understand the medium he is trying to become successful in?

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

Instead of focusing on the “closed door” (being a singer) Tina would be happy being an entertainer. Instead of focusing on losing a friendship Jack could focus on gaining a partner in life. Instead of doing a daily blog maybe a weekly blog or a topic that is less time consuming would be more realistic. Instead of being in the videos perhaps Shel would be a better producer or editor.

Unfortunately many people spend too much time looking at the closed door that was never going to open (in the way they wanted) in the first place.

How easy is it to get caught up in the big plan you are making? Maybe you want to be a superstar singer. You get so caught up in that idea that you don’t realize the little things you need to do to make it happen. Nothing is wrong with the big plan as long as you realize there are a lot of little plans inside of it.

You can’t just meet a woman and say you are going to marry her without realizing that there will be a lot of little steps in between. The end result of big plans never just happen. We wish they would because they are so damn cool. Trust me, all of my big plans rock the house and waking up the next day realizing that I am no where closer than before is frustrating until I remember I have to make the moves to make the plans happen.

Actions speak louder than words as they say and in this case actions speak louder than thoughts as well. Look how hard it can be to do a little plan at times. Clean out the garage is a simple enough plan, but how often does it get pushed back week after week? If we can’t follow up on something simple like that, how can we expect to the first person to set foot in every country of the world?

I am all for the big idea. I am all for the grandiose scheme. They get me excited just as much as the next person. However, I get even more excited when I see them executed. It’s always inspiring to hear someone say “it has always been my dream to…” and it happens.

Big plans don’t equal big moves, but big moves always equal big plans.

I used to do podcasts all the time, weekly actually, on different topics. People heard me laughing or heard the tone of my voice in the podcasts and, when reading similar words, knew the tone in which I was speaking regardless of how it seemed. The connection or bond formed is different because of the different communication methods. An IM conversation will be different than an email, a voice chat, or a video chat. All of those will be different than me talking to you late at night chilling with a drink on the phone. I used to have more interaction with those that follow what I do.

On a fluke I took 100 random email addresses (5 sets of 20 straight from the database) from comments made on my blog within the past 2 years and sent out a quick email asking their interest in audio and video. So far I’ve received 56 responses varying from yes to detailed suggestions on what they would like in the audio/video. I asked some people on IM their thoughts as well. I have not received a “no” yet but I was chastised for stopping the podcasts and for taking so long to bring them back. Ironically, this couldn’t have happened at a better time because I’m in the process of changing things around with my sites. Having their feedback on what they want helps me fill the void in what they want verses what I was going to do.

Communication is important and in the social environment of the internet how one opts to communicate can make a big difference. I notice many people are misunderstood on Twitter trying to cram their thoughts in 140 characters. People in general are enjoying deeper forms of communication like video in comments, sites like Seesmic where people talk to one another via video or the SuperStreams we do where we interact with our users. If we could get audio and video with users on that it would be crazy bandwidth spent but loads of fun.

You also end those types of interactions knowing more about the person you were interacting with. I learned things about the people watching the streams that never ever would have come out on their blogs or in an IM conversation.

That’s the beauty of different forms of communication – different “results” based on the method of communication used.

*Quote in the title is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh*

I’m sure you know people like this or maybe you are like that yourself. Tyme and Mike often ask me how I can so easily let stuff slide and not get discouraged and I know that sometimes you need to look within yourself to find the solution and sometimes that is just how life works out.

The person who stays in a bad relationship too long loves to blame the other person for ruining their life. The person who stays in a bad job for too long loves to blame the company for making their life miserable. The person who sits there and wonders why their life didn’t go in a different direction has nobody but themselves to look at.

No you can’t control everything that happens in life, but you can control how you react to situations and handle them and that is what a person is made of. I’m not saying that I am cool as a cucumber at all times. I blow my top often and catch myself putting the blame on others more times than I would like to admit, but when things cool down I like to think what I could have done differently.

When I was younger I always thought I was destined for great things and I still firmly believe that. However, my current situation is far from the glorious million dollar lifestyle that I envisioned, but there has never been a time where I sulked about it. There was never a time I cursed fate for taking me in this direction because I know the mistakes I made and the wrong paths I walked down.

Sometimes I know it can seem everything is working against you. You walk across the street after looking both ways and you still get hit by a car. After reading everything I said maybe you think my reaction is you shouldn’t be walking across the street in the first place, but that isn’t it. I want to see how you handle the situation afterwards to see the real person, that is if you survived. You can be unlucky in life because shit happens. Nothing you can do about that, we all aren’t gods.

There will always be those people around though who are never at fault. Guys are real good at this especially when we are arguing with women, I’m not sure if it is in our genes or not, but just because you can win an argument doesn’t mean it’s okay to blame someone else. Point that one finger at the other person then remember you have three pointing back at you.

Now there are definitely times when you shouldn’t say such things especially if you are ruining your life or someone else’s. But if you are taking a chance with your career because you have a passion for something and the people around you wish to talk you out of it maybe you need to say it and push forward. When people doubt you you really need to say this.

You don’t have to say it to their face, but say it to yourself to empower your belief that you can do it. You don’t always need people to pat you on the back and tell you great job. You don’t always need people to tell you how great you are. What you need to do is believe in what you are doing whether it works out or not.

Too often we have people trying to blow smoke up our ass when they don’t believe in what we are doing. Other times we will have people doubting what we do and it is one thing to disagree, but another to doubt that we (or you) are not trying to do what is best for us.

The confusing aspect of this is that you should care what people think. I am often confused as someone who doesn’t care what people think about me and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I do care, but there is a limit to how much I will care. If you care about my well-being and are stating your opinion based around that then lovely. If you are criticizing to criticize then no I probably won’t care how you view me. An example of this happened a couple years ago at SXSW. I was told that I don’t dress appropriate for someone in my position and that I almost dressed like a clown.

Now there was no event that I went to that was formal wear. There was never a time I wore anything offensive. I simply wore the clothes that I wear everyday. When people want to state their opinions about you that go against you being you, then yeah just say the title of this entry.

Can you imagine when Obama first told the people around him that he was going to run for president? You think everyone stood behind him? I have no doubt there were a ton of people that told him he had no chance because he is part black. I don’t know if he uses the language I use, but there had to be part of his brain that said something similar and look where he stands now.

As great it is to have people supporting you, you won’t always have that in life. Sometimes you will only have you and that is all you need. For the ones trying to hold you back remind yourself of something. You know what to say.

I’m not good at managing my time. Nothing would get done.

I thought my brother lost his mind because he was Mr. Efficient. When he had deadlines at work he always had things done before hand. He always found the most efficient way to get things done. This flowed in everything he did, for example, taking a trip. His plans would be minutely planned so the idea of him not managing things efficiently and effectively as a business owner did not compute. I thought perhaps he had fear of the “unknown”, perhaps did not want to risk something stable for something unstable (a new business).

He explained that he “needed” someone to account to otherwise he would blow off whatever it was he scheduled to do. He enjoyed what he did and the “fun” would disappear if he was the boss. He didn’t like management positions either. He knew himself well enough to know that if he started a business, even if it was something he enjoyed doing, his personality type was not complimentary to it. He wasn’t disciplined enough.

Knowing Yourself

Everyday I encounter people who want to start businesses, a blog, create video, etc. and they have these big plans about their success. Not only do they not have a plan about how they are going to get there often they are not realistic about their personality and if their personality meshes with their goals.

An example, how often do you see sites that boast “daily content” but are not updated daily? Or are updated daily but the content sucks? These people are probably good people but obviously not suited for daily updates. The amount of time it takes to write quality content on a daily basis is considerable. The reality is the person who does this isn’t business minded due to the multitude of the mistakes made.

Reality Isn’t Always Pretty

My brother understood his limitations and focused on his strengths. Instead of starting a business knowing he was lacking traits that were needed, he was the best employee he could be. He enjoyed his work and was often recognized for his performance.

Being a business owner or even a good blogger requires the person to be able to consistently, over a long period of time, do what is needed for success. For example, I get up early every morning and check on our sites, delete spam, glance at email, etc. Not a couple of times a week, every other day, sometimes at 7 or sometimes at 12…every morning (unless I say otherwise) the sites are checked early. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t like getting up early but I had to because of the kids (I don’t anymore). There are times when I get up, check the sites and lay back down but my job is done. Every day. After about 11am, my schedule goes out the door. I make sure the kids eat around the same general time but as far as work I wing it every day based on what needs to be done and I love that because I don’t really care for routines too much.

Doing Your Own Thing IS Work

I’m not a programmer. I’m not a designer. Yet I have websites that have code and designs. If I want to accomplish something and I don’t know how to do it I will research on how to do it. If I want to understand search engine optimization I will research it. If I need to go to school and gain some knowledge I will do that (and I did - I have a master’s in Business Management). In other words, doing your own thing requires more dedication than most realize - consistently.

If you want to write daily articles on your commercial blog (or update on a set schedule) think about all that is required. The topic. Do you need links? Can you back up and prove your point? Do you need confirmation from a source for the article? Is your data accurate? Consider the time it takes to write and proof the article. If it is a commercial blog what about the time to market, network, and manage the blog? If your blog traffic isn’t increasing why isn’t it and how do you plan to resolve that issue?

Honesty is the Best Policy

My brother was honest with himself about his personality traits and how they applied to his career. When I decided to start my business I did the same thing. Going through blogs as I do everyday (some of them personal, some of them commercial) I wonder if they were honest with themselves when they started their venture.

Your turn.