To friend or not friend, that is the question…
“I do not know if this has happened to anybody, but this morning I log on to Facebook and I have a new friend request!” wrote 19-year-old Mike Yeamans, a sophomore at James Madison University, on one of several “No Parents on Facebook” groups that have popped up on the site. “I am excited to make a new friend so I click on the link. I could not believe what I saw. My father! This is an outrage!”
I laughed at that portion of this article. An outrage? Then I thought about for a minute. I’m grown, I can do whatever I want to do so being Facebook friends with my Mom isn’t a big deal. I don’t owe her any explanations on anything I do and I’m not doing anything that would shock her. Actually, I’m not doing anything important that she doesn’t already know. See, I’m the opposite of most people. If I go to the club there aren’t any pictures taken because here, we respect the sanctity of The Club. It’s like Vegas, what happens there stays there. If I’m in a relationship or “dating” a guy I’m not going to hide it because I’m grown. She already knows my offline friends so there honestly isn’t anything juicy for her to see. Hence, I don’t care. I realize that is not the norm. The norm, especially college age, would be this:
“Don’t get me wrong,” said Yeamans, who is a computer information systems major. “I love my parents, but there are some parts of my college experience that I want to keep to myself. I chose to go away to school so I could experience a little freedom.”
Can you imagine the situation where a parent asks for a friend request, the child rejects it and the parent says, “Well, I AM paying your tuition…”. Ouch.
Replace parent with your co-workers. Your boss. Your ex. Your in-laws. It’s coming if it hasn’t already happened to you. Again, I’m the exception to this rule. My business partners are my co-workers, our parents accept what we do (which isn’t the norm for most people), my ex’s follow what I do and know about each other and I have no in-laws. Imagine if your girl/boyfriend’s Mom wanted to be your friend, would that be a nightmare situation for you? As the article mentioned teenagers are having the same problem (but I have no problem with parents having access to what minors do). Let’s be real, when Facebook started the average parent could not join because it was for college students. The only “real” problem college students had to worry about were ex’s. It was their playground to romp around in.
It’s coming: social networks need to adapt levels of friendship because all “friends” are not created equal. Of course those with limited access will figure out they are being restricted, then what will you do?
Instead, take control of the situation. Social networks make it very easy to share your life, that doesn’t mean you should do it. Most things aren’t meant to be public.
Posted March 11, 2008 with 4 Comments
Ben # —
Funnily enough both of my parents are on Facebook. They only use it to keep up to date with me and my brothers. I have no problem with it… but then I tend not to do anything I am embarrassed to tell others about
Ben # —
One other thing - don’t forget that on Facebook they already have levels, albeit only one. You can have a limited and full profile and let people see you differently depending upon how you feel about them.
Tyme White # —
Me either but I could see where people like us might want some boundaries. When I worked outside the home I preferred to keep my personal and professional lives separate. I might mention I went out to dinner and might not mind them viewing the pictures I took that night, but do I want them to possible make a friend request to my friends (have them linked like that)?
Keeping that scenario current, if I was married and divorced, I might want to stay “friends” with my ex, but would I want him peering into my life? I might want to stay “friends” with his in-laws but again, would I want to them in my personal life?
An ultimate solution for those that want public profiles is the ability to restrict access just like in CMS software you can limit access (for lack of another example). Forums have this too. Then control where I want the media posted. So technically, a person could upload photos only select people in a group could see or restrict wall-to-wall note viewing.
Or maybe I’m just very cautious by nature!
Sunday Roast: it wasn’t the mexicans « Bright Meadow 2 # —
[…] Who do you friend on assorted social media sites? For me, I know who I will and won’t friend. I don’t willy-nilly just add everyone and anyone, and I even go on semi-regular purges of my assorted friend lists to see if the people on there still need to be or not. At the same time, I am not so silly as to think my words on the net can’t be read by lots of people I have no knowledge of or control over. My dad and boss read Bright Meadow for example! So I always slightly self-sensor what I say. My restriction on Facebook in particular is if you have/I would be comfortable with you having my mobile number. If I am comfortable with that, then I add you on Facebook. If not? There are gazillions of other ways you can stalk me! […]
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